


Now that I'm without your kisses

by apolloxbvcky



Series: Stevebucky playlist [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Protective Natasha Romanov, Stucky - Freeform, stevebucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:24:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolloxbvcky/pseuds/apolloxbvcky





	Now that I'm without your kisses

Bucky took a puff off his cigarette. He released the smoke out of his lips, taking his phone again. No new calls. No new messages. No new notifications. He left it on his thigh again, running his left hand through his hair and taking another puff.

 

It had been a whole week since he had last heard from Steve, and he was going out of his mind. Sitting on the emergency exit stairs, looking at the dusk behind the New York skyline, all he could think about were those big baby blue eyes.

 

He sighed, fighting the urge to check his phone again, when, as if someone had heard his prayers, it started ringing. He took it almost desperately, not even looking who was calling.

 

“Steve?” he said, as soon as he picked up and placed the device beside his ear.

 

“Try again, sweetheart.” he let go another sigh when he recognized, Natasha’s voice. “Still on the first stage?”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes, well knowing that Natasha couldn’t see him. Since she had started dating that therapist, Sam, she was all into psychology and that shit Bucky thought was stupid. Since the break up, Natasha had tried to explain him the ‘7 stages of grieving’. The first one, the one she said he was still on, was ‘shock and denial’. Obviously, he was on denial. Shock had only been there for like, 2 seconds.

 

“You know what I think about that… It’s bullshit.”

“It’s not. Man, you need to move on. Steve dumped you. He doesn’t want you back.”

 

Bucky bit his bottom lip. Hearing it from another person was more painful than he thought.

 

“He just said that he needed time.”

 

“Bucky, all of us know what that means.”

“No, he meant it. It’s just a break. He needs to…”

“YOU need to move on, Buck. You can’t be pining after Steve forever. It was nice while it lasted, but everything reaches an end.”

“Natasha, could you not…”

 

“I’m sorry, Bucky. But you know I’m right. You need someone new.”

 

“You don’t understand, Nat.”

“Then make me.”

 

“Natasha, I just… I loved him, okay? I did. Really. I could see myself with him, in a near future. Getting married, moving together, adopting some kids, maybe even a dog. All that cheesy shit I always said I’d never want. But he was something else. He was the love of my life, I can say he surely was. And you know I’ve had break ups before, they’ve broken up with me, I’ve broken up with them… But I… It never hurt like this. Never. It’s like he stabbed me in the heart and let me there to bleed myself to death.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“I know…” he sighed, pinching between his eyes. “I can’t move on. I can’t go on saying that he’s not mine any more, knowing that he’s someone else’s, because it feels like throwing away my whole life. My whole future. He’s… he’s like a light, okay? And I’m a moth. I’m destined to always be attracted to him. Forever.”

 

“I get what you say. But Bucky… He’s gone. You have to man up, stop whining around and move on. Meet some guys, maybe some girls. Who knows. Get him out of your head.”

 

“I can’t, Natasha. I can’t get him out. Neither my head, or my heart. He was my half. Natasha. Nat. I got the ring. I got it. I bought it a month ago and… you know today is our anniversary?”

 

“That’s what I called… Were you going to propose?”

 

“Yes! We’ve been together for 5 years! Of course!”

 

“Bucky… You’re not together any more.”

 

Bucky stayed silent, looking at the city lights under him. Suddenly, his doorbell rang.

 

“I have to go. Someone just rang.”

“Yeah…” she said. “I heard. Go. Call me back when you can. Or I will. Just… Uh. Call me?”

 

“I’ll try. I love you, Nat.”

“I love you too, dude.”

 

Bucky hung the call, putting his phone on his pants’ pocket, and walking to the door. When he was about to open, it rang again.

 

“I’m on it, for fuck’s sake!” he said, opening the door. The image he found wrecked his heart. In front of him, the blonde looked like he had been crying for a while. His baby blues were red, along with his nose, and he had bags under his eyes.

 

Before he realised, Bucky was trapped in a hug. He didn’t move until he heard Steve sniff on his shoulder, and then, he hug him back.

 

“Hey…” Bucky murmured, running his hand along Steve’s back. “It’s okay, baby… You’re okay.”

 

He moved back a few steps, dragging Steve’s body with him, and closing the door behind the blonde. Still smoothing Steve’s back, he asked him.

 

“Want to sit on the couch?” Steve shook his head, and Bucky scratched a little on his nape, right under the hair. “Bed?” the blonde nodded against his shoulder, and they walked to the bedroom, still tangled together. They dropped on the bed, facing each other, and Steve was still crying. Bucky didn’t know what else to do.

 

“Hey, do you want some water, or a tissue… Anything?” Steve shook his head, hugging Bucky again, hiding his face on the crook of his neck.

 

“I just want you.” Steve said. Bucky swallowed, and then nodded, hugging him back, and running his fingertips along Steve’s spine.

 

They stayed like that for an hour, until Steve stopped crying and Bucky reunited enough courage to ask him what was wrong.

 

Steve shook his head again.

 

“I can’t believe I did this.” Bucky suddenly panicked. He was upset he had come to him? “I’m so sorry, Bucky. I shouldn’t have.”

“Uh, no worry. I… I’m okay. You can come when you want.”

 

Steve, who had been looking up to the ceiling, moved his head to face Bucky.

 

“What? What do you mean?”

 

“Uh, you were sad, you came here, and cried… I assumed you…”

“No! No, I’m glad I came. I’m not glad why I had to come on the first place…” he murmured the last part, moving his hand so it was touching Bucky’s. The brunette didn’t ask. Instead, he stayed looking at the man beside him, trying to make him talk. “I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have left.” Bucky opened his eyes. Was this real, or was he dreaming again? “I’m so sorry, Bucky.” Steve reached his hand to Bucky’s face, running his thumb along his cheekbones.

 

“What?” Bucky softly murmured. Steve let out a chuckle. He moved, changing his lying position to a sitting one. He looked down at Bucky, who balancing his weight on his right arm, looking up at the blonde.

 

“I… I don’t know why I did it. I thought… I thought you didn’t love me any more. I don’t know. You’d been off the last few weeks, as if you were always thinking in something else. And you barely came around my house, we only saw each other if I dropped on yours. It started feeling weird, and I thought you didn’t want me any more, but didn’t know how to leave him. So I thought it’d be better if I did the dirty work for you. All I ever wanted was to make you happy.”

 

Bucky frowned. The only reason he had been off was because he… Oh. Of course, Steve didn’t know that.

 

“I… can you…” he pointed to the night stand behind Steve. “Open the first drawer. Please.” Steve nodded, confused, and opened the first drawer. “Take the blue box.” Steve took the little velvet box, holding it between his fingers. Bucky looked at him, motioning the man in front of him to open it.

 

The blonde opened the box, and his eyes went wide. Was that…?

 

“I started saving up. I took more shifts, and when I wasn’t working, I was preparing the proposal. Obviously you couldn’t know about that. It’d take the whole proposal thing down the garbage disposal.” Steve chuckled. “Do you like it?”

 

Steve mouthed something Bucky couldn’t quite understand, and then started crying. Next thing he knew, the blonde was wrapped around him, sobbing on his shoulder, and his own left hand was on the other man’s hair, running his fingers along it.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have, I should’ve trusted you. Forgive me, please.” Steve said between sobs. Bucky chuckled, kissing his forehead.

 

“Baby… Stop crying, please.” he whispered. Steve put a little distance between them, but still close enough that their bodies were touching.

 

“I just… I’m so sorry, Bucky. I should’ve… Should’ve talked to you, should’ve said something, not just…”

“Yeah, you should’ve. But you’re a punk.”

 

“Jerk.”

 

Bucky smiled, pushing himself up to Steve’s level and taking him by the cheeks. He kissed him, slow and sweet. Steve put his own hands on top of Bucky’s and kissed back. When they broke apart, Steve looked at Steve right on his eyes.

 

“Will you forgive me?”

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

Steve nodded, tears running down his eyes.

 

“Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.”


End file.
